You don't have to be a people-pleaser to be liked at work: Stanford expert shares smart ways to set boundaries without harming career growth

Many professionals believe that constantly saying yes at work is essential to being liked. Kate Mason, PhD, communications coach and author of Powerfully Likeable: A Woman’s Guide to Effective Communication, tells CNBC Make It that this mindset can actually hinder career growth. “Culturally, we have coupled likability with deference,” she explains. “We think that in order to be likable… I must accept every inbound request.”

The hidden cost of people-pleasing
While being helpful is not inherently wrong, overextending yourself can lead to burnout and resentment. Clinical psychologist Debbie Sorensen notes that employees who take on too many tasks often experience chronic stress. Mason warns that bending over backwards to accommodate everyone may leave your own goals and priorities neglected.

A simple litmus test for saying yes
To avoid falling into people-pleasing habits, Mason suggests pausing before agreeing to requests. She asks herself, “What is future Kate going to be happy that she signed up for when present Kate says yes?” This moment of reflection helps professionals differentiate between genuine commitment and habitual acquiescence.

Setting boundaries without risking your career
Mason emphasizes that saying “No is a complete sentence” may not always work in hierarchical workplaces. Instead, she recommends practical communication: “I’ve got four other things that I’m working on this week, so where would you like me to prioritize this?” This approach signals willingness while making workload visible to managers.

For colleagues or clients, Mason suggests tactful refusals such as, “Unfortunately, I don’t have bandwidth to give that the time it deserves,” or, for freelancers, “I’m at capacity and cannot take that on right now.”

Redefining workplace likability
Ultimately, Mason wants professionals to know that career success does not require constant compliance. “I can make a choice here, and it doesn’t mean career suicide,” she says. Her guidance demonstrates that effective communication, clear boundaries, and thoughtful prioritization can make employees respected and liked without compromising their well-being.

Kate Mason is a Stanford Graduate School of Business alumna with executive education from INSEAD. She specializes in helping professionals communicate with impact while maintaining authenticity and balance in the workplace.
The Psychology Behind People-Pleasing Goes Deeper Than the Workplace
Recent insights from therapists suggest that excessive people-pleasing may not just be a professional habit but a deeper emotional pattern known as fawning. As highlighted in a Business Insider report, fawning is a trauma response where individuals over-accommodate others to avoid conflict or rejection — a behavior now increasingly observed among Gen Z and young professionals.

Experts explain that while fawning may once have served as a self-protective mechanism, in adulthood it can perpetuate stress and emotional exhaustion. Therapist Josephson notes that constant reassurance-seeking — both online and offline — often replaces genuine self-confidence with dependence on external validation.

By recognizing this pattern as a learned coping mechanism rather than a fixed trait, professionals can begin to unlearn it through mindful pauses, boundary-setting, and prioritizing authenticity over approval. Together with Mason’s advice on workplace communication, this growing awareness offers a roadmap to healthier, more self-assured interactions — both at work and beyond.